The lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself

-Don Marquis

Now I realize this isn't 100% relevant with study abroad (it is, but in a more morbid degree), but I absolutely love this poem. I shows how much passion just for...happiness this moth has, and how he'd rather live his life to the fullest than live in fear.  It's one of the many reasons that I want a tattoo of a moth.  Not even one of the pretty colored variety, merely a simple miller moth that I used to fear so much as a child.

-Olivia

I love these guys <3  I'm actually learning the Ballad of Mona Lisa on piano.  Quite an accomplishment for me.

Brief History of a Market Economy...

In the mid-eighteenth century, a new era of philosophy known as the Enlightenment developed in Europe. New theories about religion, science, government, and economics dominated this era. Adam Smith was a well-known Scottish philosopher during the Enlightenment...


Oh, I'm sorry, let me hit my head against the wall a few times to wake my brain up.  As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I'm taking multiple online classes over the summer.  Today, I'm focusing on Economics.  Hearing a teacher talk about it in class and making it interesting is one thing, but reading it online for hours on end is dreadfully boring.  No offense to my beloved social studies teachers who read my blog.


Now that I think about it, I'm going on a government sponsored program.  I should probably learn as much about this as possible.  Make me look smart.  


Anyway.  The days are strolling along.  The sun is beating down rather furiously, with the occasional respite by way of a gusty thunderstorm.  During these storms, I protect myself by hiding under my bed. I've never been a fan.  Classmates post pictures of bikini-clad bodies and wonderfully refreshing looking pools.  I sit on my computer taking classes and eat all the food in the house.  Of course, I go out occasionally.  Yesterday, I went out on our boat to hang out with the family and have a barbecue.  I fought off a hoard of invading red ants and grumbled as my step-dad pelted me with marble sized rocks while I was reading a book.  Later that night, I attended my cousin's ballet performance, and was awed by the dancers' effortless grace and flexibility.  For those of you who know me, I have the dancing ability of a brick.


Saturday, I bleached my roots, but didn't have time to actually put the dye in.  I walked around with a hat the rest of the day, refusing to let anyone see me as a blonde.  It isn't pretty.  Thankfully I was able to dye my hair today, and it came out like this:

Purple and dark blue!  The blue almost looks black though.

On the exchange front, I got my National Pre-Departure Orientation flight details today!  I leave at the chipper hour of 7:24 AM.  Luckily I get a window seat, so I can ogle at the sights below and rock out to some of my favorite music (Of Mice & Men is really growing on me).  I am traveling with the lovely Sarah Bibbey who is going to Ghana.  She gets the window seat on the way back though.  I may have to bribe her with a sheet of my dinosaur stickers so I don't hyperventilate for three and a half hours in the middle seat.  

I have my Local Pre-Departure Orientation this Saturday (so many orientations, I love it), so I shall take plenty of pictures (I document everything.  It gets annoying) and write a detailed blog post for you all afterwards.

-Olivia

Summer Days

I have been on summer break for a little bit over a week now.  I have to say...I don't think I have really even sat down to take a breather.  I'm trying to pack as much as I possibly can into these three months I suppose.  I went to my dad's band's concert with Guttermouth and Pennywise, went out on the boat with my family, taken a brutal yoga class, worked, watched two scary movies (The Blaire Witch Project and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark) and Up with a buddy, dyed another friend's hair, gone to eat Thai food and ice cream with a lovely coworker, and went to a fantastic fair up in Boulder.  Even after all of that, I probably forgot something.  Oh yeah, I went to my little sister's graduation from Kindergarten as well.

On the exchange front, I had a conference call a few days ago.  It was basic information on the AFS safety and support structure, and then we talked about the homework assignments that we were given to read a day or two beforehand.  Much to my dismay, I was on mute when I attempted to talk, so my plan to sound smart was foiled.  Whoops.  I will have to make up for it at our next call on June 12th or 13th.  Depending on which day I attend.  My final (I think) conference call is country specific to Turkey on August 6th.  

On a very exciting note, I HAVE A DEPARTURE DATE!!!  I leave September 5th to New York for my Gateway Orientation, and September 6th for Turkey.  It seems so far away...but it will probably sneak up on me.  

At the moment, that's really all the updates I have.  So, here are some pictures that show a bit of my life at the moment.

Rayne's hair!  (she wanted to go blonde...but eventually I convinced her to come over to the dark side)

My little sister and I at her graduation.  Best.  Faces.  Ever.

Not really summer, but here was my prom sari!

Stretching while watching the Bellagio fountains.

-Olivia

I've been a bit obsessed with this song lately.

A Bittersweet Ending

Today was the last day of school.  My last day of American high school.  Ever.  I kept looking around me today, noticing the small things that I never paid any attention to before.  The scuffs on the stage floor, the single burnt-out christmas light in the green room, the massive scratch on my locker, and the peeling and faded flyers that decorate the bomb-shelter hallways.  Little things made me choke up, and I realized that this was no longer my home.  I would never make another costume for a Heritage High School main stage production, I would never perform in another high school talent show, I would never angrily elbow someone out of my way while huffing it to my next class.

I said some of my first goodbyes today, and I was fine until the last one.  I went from office to office, saying goodbye to old teachers and telling my story to others.  Many hugs were given, but my eyes stayed dry.  I can't explain why.  Perhaps because all of them had been more formal relationships in a way, it felt odd to cry.  Then I headed to the main office to say one last goodbye.  Mrs. Moody.  She was sitting behind her desk, putting away some books.  "What can I do for you, Ms. Summer girl?" she asked.  I explained that I was there to say goodbye.  This seemed to make her happy.  I then had to say that I wasn't coming back next year.  She gave me a huge hug, and mentioned how she would miss me, and how I brought a certain "something" to the school.  As soon as she pulled away, I noticed she was crying, and that's when I broke.  I managed to hold it together partially until I got to my car, where I really started crying.  It's the small things that get you.  I've had numerous interactions with Mrs.  Moody.  Partially because I lose things and go to her asking if someone had turned it in.  Partially because I genuinely enjoy talking to her.

The cotton has begun to cover everything.  It floats down constantly, coating the trees, the grass, the people.  It's the first thing I notice as I walk out of the school.  Summer is here, bringing along with it the fluffy tree seeds that I tend to inhale and choke on every once and a while.  Soon the weather will soar to scorching temperatures, and thunder storms will scare me under my bed.  I have work to do.  Summer classes (Government, Economics, and swimming) and learning Turkish.  There are orientations to go to, and friends to talk with.  It's concert season, and I hope to go to plenty (Linkin Park and Warped Tour anyone?)  The time will begin to fly now.  Before I know it, I will be boarding a plane to New York City, where I will meet my fellow Indonesia, Ghana, and Turkey YES Abroad scholars for the third time, and we will begin our journey.  At the moment, I don't know what to feel.  I'm terrified and excited.  I don't know what the year will bring.  However it may play out, I know that it will be the most emotionally and culturally jam packed year of my life.  Here's to us my friends, my fellow YESers.  May we all have wonderful years.  And here's to you, class of 2013, may your senior years be as wonderful as you make them.

-Olivia

Let's just add to the feeling of nostalgia, shall we?

On something not exchange related, it has been five months since my great grandma passed away.  I still miss her like mad.  Time may heal all wounds, but this one still seems fairly fresh.  I love you dearly and wish you were here.  I know one thing though, I will have someone familiar with me for every moment of my year abroad.

Life, interviews, and a mad dash for papers

These past few weeks have been exceedingly hectic. I've had Prom, work, a mad scramble for papers, and my AFS in-home interview.

I'll start with my visa paperwork. I was called in the middle of my theatre company show (I was about to go back on stage in about 5 minutes) when I got a call from a strange number. I knew it was YES related because it was a New York based number. I answered it, thinking it might just be a quick reminder to do something. As it turned out, I wasn't sent an email containing *essential* paperwork that was due THAT DAY. Needless to say, I freaked out a bit. Luckily, (with a bit of finagling in the counselors department) I was able to get everything together and mailed by the next day.

My in-home interview was last Saturday. I'll admit to being a bit nervous, as interviews really aren't my forte. I usually end up blabbering with no clue as to where I am leading the conversation. Anyway. The interviewers asked about my activities and life in general, nothing too complicated. Towards the end....they asked to see my room. As a preface, my room doesn't always look like a tornado or ten ran through it, but we had just cleaned out a closet by my room, and half of the contents of it were dumped into my room. Awkward.  It has since been cleaned up a bit, but I wish I would have had time to make it nice and spotless before they came in.  Oops.

This Friday is my last day of school!  I am ridiculously happy.  Although, I will probably tear up a bit as I leave the theatre for the last time.  It has been my home for the past 3 years.  The seniors are gone.  Graduation is tomorrow.  The juniors have taken over the school.  At the assembly where we changed spots in the gym (freshman to sophomore, sophomore to junior, and junior to senior), all the juniors thundered over to the senior side, and struck an immediate chant of "THIS IS OUR HOUSE!" with cheers and stomps and claps.  I joined in, a nostalgic, tear-smudged smile on my face.  This would be one of the few senior-in-high-school moments I would ever get.  Everyone else will come back, paint the senior wall, perform in the musicals and plays, make costumes (theatre nerd here), walk at graduation.  I, on the other hand, will travel thousands of miles away to a foreign land with little language experience (Türkçe bilmiyorum....), and few people I know.  I will learn about a culture, a religion, and a country that is fairly unknown in the US.  Of course everyone has heard of the Ottoman Empire and the ancient history that resides in my soon to be home, but little is known about its people or the food or daily customs.  So while everyone here in Colorado is absorbing the taken-for-granted American high school experience, I will be soaking up every ounce of Turkish culture that I can.  And you know what?  I wouldn't have it any other way.

-Olivia

It's an interesting video...but the song is rather catchy!

I'M GOING TO TURKEY!!!

That's right!  The title says it all!  After a grueling wait and a roller coaster ride of emotions, I finally received the email that changed my life.

On April 13, the finalists emails were sent out on a rolling basis.  As soon as the first country was released (Bosnia & Herzegovina) my phone alerted me.  That means from around, oh, 9 am or so, I was practically hyperventilating.

Nothing came for me that day.  I was crushed.  I knew I had either been rejected or was an alternate.  I was incredibly happy for my friends, but as the flood of notifications from Facebook poured onto my newsfeed, I couldn't bear to look for the weekend.  I congratulated everyone, and logged off of Facebook for the weekend.  By the time Sunday rolled around, I was back to my normal spastic self.  I checked my email constantly, waiting for an email to come.

Finally, the next day, it did.  I walked into math class, checked my email, and immediately started jumping up and down yelling, "I'M AN ALTERNATE!!!".  Then I proceeded to cry a bit.

I waited.  Another alternate was upgraded to Thailand.  She dropped it.  I waited some more.  The Facebook Five (or SHOCK, as we call ourselves) conversed constantly, shooting furtive texts late at night, wondering about our status.  Finally, April 26 rolled around.  I was sitting in the green room, casually talking about prom with some of my buddies.  I checked my email.  I immediately let out a huge huff of air like someone had punched me in the stomach.  "Oh my god.  Oh my god.  Oh my god."  I repeated over and over again.  After many worried questions from my friends, I burst into tears and blubbered out, "I'M GOING TO TURKEY!!!!  I GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP!!!!" I burst into the counseling office and told my counselor, where more hugs and tears ensued.  I ended up calling my friend Colin in the middle of one of his classes and left a voicemail.  Carly called me soon after, and we let out girlish squeals of delight (as girly as I can be, I have the vocal cords of a man) and I gave her a quick good luck wish.  An hour or so later, she called again (also crying) that she had gotten into Thailand!

I still can't believe it.  I am a 2012-2013 YES Abroad scholar to Turkey.  I started my application in November.  It is now almost May.  It has been an excruciatingly long process, but one I wouldn't trade for the world.  Already, I have met lifelong friends, and have learned so much.  In a few months, I will be living in Turkey.  I will have friends in multiple countries (YES, CBYX, and NSLI-Y scholarship winners).  And I will be immersed in a religion that very few Americans understand.  Next year, SHOCK will go abroad.  Indonesia.  Bosnia & Herzegovina.  Malaysia.  Turkey.  Thailand.  I wish you all the best of luck.  We have been friends from the start, and I can't wait to see what the next year of our lives brings.

-Olivia

I couldn't leave you without a song from my host country now, could I?  Enjoy :)

Oh...hi there!

I HAVE A BLOG?!  Whoops.  Sorry everyone.

These past few weeks have been kind of hectic.  I had spring break and started school again.

Well, it's been over two weeks since the YES Abroad In-Person Selection Event.  I have never been surrounded by so many mature and wonderful people.  I met new fantastic friends, and some that I hope to stay in touch with for the rest of my life.  The first day was general introductions, dinner, and learning our way around the hotel.  I had my interview the first night.  The second day was stuffed with lovely things such as group evaluations, more interviews, lots of amazing food, and socializing with the other semi-finalists.  The third day we had breakfast, some interviews and group evaluations (or lots of free time in my case), and too many sad goodbyes.  I didn't end up crying, but I certainly teared up watching a few of my buddies walk out the door and onto their shuttle, not knowing if I would see them again.  I suppose I won't give too many details, it is incredibly hard to describe the weekend.  Even two weeks later, I miss the camaraderie of it all, and the excitement in the air.  I miss my friends that came from every corner of the country.  Indiana.  Idaho.  California.  New York.  Oregon.    I dearly hope that I get to see everyone again, so I can tackle them to the floor in giant bear hugs.  Not to mention the fact that we would all be going abroad if we saw each other in the same room again.  It was a weekend I will never forget.

Now I am floating along in another wait.  We are supposed to find out mid-April, or around three weeks from the date of the IPSE.  I JUST WANT TO KNOW! O_O  I want this so badly...but everyone there was incredibly deserving as well.  I guess I'll just have to see how it pans out, but I will admit to hoping upon hope every day that I get in.

Anyway, enough of my ranting.  Did you miss my wonderful postings filled with mostly ramblings and large amounts of music?  I think yes.

These are just a few of all the pictures that I took that weekend.  Look at my previous post for a video that I made with all of my pictures!  

On a side note, my hair is now RED!  I think I prefer pink, but I figured I might as well try it :)

Well, that is all I have to say today.  I hope you have a wonderful day!

-Olivia